|Long time passing
||[Aug. 17th, 2007|07:31 am]
It's been a long long time since I've even looked at this thing. The worst part is the realization that my life has gone nowhere and everywhere at the same time. It's hard to explain but I'm sure plenty will have a "Been there" or "There with you" attitude about it. And that's fine. I'm not trying to be special.
New girlfriend (though this is really old news to those that know me personally, it's new news here). Together for a year and half. I've more than doubled my old record. And yet every day still scares me more than the last....The "Could this be it?" mentality. The fact that she once refered to us as "Practically married" made me realize how unready I am for committment despite staying with her for so long. It kind of humored me. The one thing I always wanted is now the one thing I can't help but want to run away from. Ironic.
It's not even her. There's nothing wrong with her. Well, nothing wrong to the point that would drive me to do that. I mean, yeah, everyone has their quirks, but that's part of life. I'm sure I have traits that would make any girl a little irrated just as much. We've both admitted to each other that the other person does a few things that piss us off.
I think it's more the thought. I got so used to losing girls that it became part. I started looking forward to being that single and 30 guy. Like that show Friends....Hahah. I say it like no one's ever heard of it before.
We moved in together. If you've ever wanted to know the meaning of that phrase "What doesn't kill you makes youu stronger.", this is it. It has strengthened us but at the same time has brought us so close to killing each other a few times. The kind of times where the only thing that stops you is that one episode of CSI you saw.
Our apartment is coming together. We've been living together for a long time, but it is only now coming together. Within the next two weeks we're having a sectional couch, glass end table, nice wooden coffee table (I add the word nice because people think the worst when they think of wooden furniture), a 52 inch Sharp Aquios 1080p tele, and a glass stand for it. That's the bragging portion of this post.
Of course, all of this comes at a price. For me, a second job. Working at an old age home...albeit, a very luxurious one.. I spend half my time working a register in the cafe, and the other half waiting tables. It's a very love hate job in that I love the register (free soda and pizza and an easy job), and hate waiting (I just am terrible at balancing things right now). The job itself in full is fine. It's a lot better than BJ's. People around my age are a fun crew. We all get along. To the point where there's massive butt grabbing action in the kitchen. I was seriously thrown off the first time one of the girls grabbed mine...Even more thrown off the first time a guy did. Seriously, it's like a handshake to them...I still haven't gotten used to it. And, with the girlfriend in mind, still haven't grabbed any myself. Just sheepishly laugh like I've always done at times like these. The times haven't changed.
I was smart enough to schedule the days off from both jobs on the same two days. This way I get full days of rest rather than bits and pieces here and there. The outcome has been 16 hour snoozefests on Tuesday and Friday....Usually followed by binge drinking and another snooze before the cycle starts over again.
Speaking of drinking, I'm going pro. On a good night (read "a night that I have food in my system"), I can outdrink any of my friends. And, as much as I probably shouldn't mention this, still drive them all home after the fact. In fairness, I have given up my keys twice because I was smart enough to know I was too drunk to get the job done. The other times have never ended in any danger, whether it be in the form of a cop, curb or other vehicle. I know my limits. And that's important. As I've learned, Grant still needs to learn his.
I'm also, to my surprise, the only guy among my friends (or at least the ones I drink with) who's personality virtually stays the same while drinking. I become louder, but that's about it. And when I say louder, I just mean in tone, not attitude. Then again, maybe that's just because bars are loud. But, I've seen freinds get angry, depressed, fight, get overly excited...It's nuts. I drink and just enjoy the social aspect of it. That's it. It's not an emotion changer. Unless I get sick (which hasn't happened as long as food in my system rule applies). Then my mood changes to "I fucking hate puking. This sucks......Ahhh, now I feel better". I've even realized I think the same while drinking. Like, in my head, I can still do math equations, remember old songs (which has become my favorite thing to do while at work), and other odd things that I can only do while deep in thought. I used to just get drunk and stupid. I hated that. When I can't think, be it because of alcohol or any other reason, it frustrates me.
For the record, I have no clue where this post is heading. It started with a point, but it's ending in proof that I should be on Ritalin.
Actually, I think I covered most of the bases for now. Based on how much, or even if, this post gets read by others, I might start making a comeback on here. And if I remember correctly, you're used to me ending these on some silly note, so uhm... Yeah
Read my journal entries or I'll killy my puppy........I'll do it!